I consider myself lucky to have had several romantic relationships in my life, and in all of them, I did my absolute best to show my love and affection. I thought I was doing everything right, that my ex-girlfriends would see and understand me. I sent long, heartfelt messages and even took the time to write love letters from the heart, telling my partner how much they meant to me. I thought my words of love would make them feel special, but I didn’t get the response I was hoping for. I couldn’t understand why. Should I try even harder? Was I not good enough? Until that point, I didn’t even know about love languages. I didn’t realize it then, but I was shouting in a language they simply didn’t speak.

The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships. Learning how to express love in a way that resonates with others is a game-changer.” - Esther Perel (psychotherapist and relationship expert)

One of the biggest ways I express love is through physical touch. I love to cuddle and be close to my partner, that’s my most natural way of showing affection. But one of my ex-girlfriends was the complete opposite. She liked to keep some distance and didn’t always want to be physically affectionate. She told me she felt disconnected, even though I was constantly expressing my love. I couldn’t understand it, “how could someone feel unloved when I was giving them love every single day?”.

Are You Speaking the Same Love Language?

Now I know, we were speaking completely different languages. This was the missing piece in the core of my previous romantic relationships. I wouldn’t say it’s impossible to have a relationship with someone who has a different primary love language, but it does make things much easier when you speak the same one.

“Knowing your partner’s love language is like knowing the secret code to their heart. It turns ordinary moments into meaningful connections.” - Dr. Terri Orbuch (psychologist and relationship researcher)

Communication is key in healthy relationships, love languages are a form of communication. When I started learning more about the concept, everything began to make sense. I realized I had been loving my partner the way I wanted to be loved, through words of affirmation and physical touch. but their love language was something entirely different.

That realization was a big eye-opener. It helped me not only understand my past relationships better but also recognize what I truly need in a partner, and that is someone who understands and speaks my love language. Because love isn’t just about what you give, it’s about how the other person receives it.

In the rest of this deep dive, we’re going to decode the secret code to your partner’s heart. We will cover:

• The Deep Dive: Breaking down the 5 languages with real-world examples.

• The Controversial 6th Language: Why modern researchers think we’ve been missing a piece of the puzzle.

• The Relationship Audit: A quick test to find your primary driver today.

• The FAQ: Solving the mismatched language dilemma.

Read more

We have never had more ways to communicate, yet we have never felt so disconnected. Technology bridges physical distances and gives us endless ways to interact, paradoxically the number of people reporting chronic loneliness has reached record highs. Individualism is stronger and more prominent than ever in our society.

I do believe that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one to work on. However, we also need to socialize and build (deep) emotional connections with others. We naturally crave connection, simple as that. Building relationships is one of our most fundamental human needs. Yet we are slowly forgetting how to do that in a healthy manner. Why is it so hard to ask for what we truly want or to say ‘no‘ to what we don’t, without feeling like we’re breaking a fundamental rule of belonging?

“Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.” — Brené Brown (Researcher and Author)

Why We Are Losing the Art of Relating

It’s a painful reality, but one we must face: we are slowly losing the ability to build healthy connections. We can’t afford to ignore it any longer, it’s time to take responsibility and do something about it. We have to learn how to stay true to ourselves while reaching out to others. I see it all around me, many of us are still trying luckily. And I noticed that, in our desperate attempt to fulfil this core-need, many of us have switched to autopilot. We tend to choose the path of least resistance because we lack the time or energy. We find ourselves overwhelmed by the constant stream of impulses we must process daily, we choose to focus on ourselves instead of others.

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” — Steve Maraboli (Behavioural Scientist)

Genuine connection becomes less of a priority, we rather withdraw into the safety of our homes. All by ourselves, so we can recharge in silence. That is great and nourishing, especially for introverts. I love to do that too! But the danger of isolation is there, I have to remind myself constant and consciously to reach out to friends or family. Simply to socialize and connect. That is sometimes what I really crave instead of silence and being alone. Like with many things in life, it’s all about finding the right balance.

Real Connection With Healthy Boundaries

The habit of saying “yes” when we truly mean “no” is a pattern I recognize intimately. In the past I always gave into requests simply to keep the peace or to feel worthy. Whether it was giving out of guilt or receiving out of a heavy sense of obligation, I eventually realized that this wasn’t real connection. It was a performance, a nice piece of acting and adapting. We have been conditioned to value productivity over presence, compliance over communication and politeness over personal truth.

It is no wonder so many of us struggle with boundaries, burn out in our relationships or feel unseen even by those closest to us. I worked hard on this myself with professional guidance so I could navigate it better in my own life. I learned that when I trade authenticity for approval, I lose the very connection I try to save. This is where the Wheel of Consent comes in. A powerful tool I learned myself in therapy. This model offers new perspectives and insights that can be truly life-changing. Also for you.

“Consent is not a one-time agreement but a continuous conversation where boundaries evolve and are respected.” – Dr. Betty Martin (creator of the Wheel of Consent)

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There is a dangerous trap when you start with self-help and modern therapy. The experts tell us that if we are struggling, we must go within. We must heal. We must feel. We must peel back another layer of the onion.

I was a strong believer in this, partly because it felt much safer to observe and analyse from the sidelines. I treated my mind like a crime scene that required permanent investigation: constantly working on myself, reflecting and “healing”. As a professional overthinker, I thought I perfectly understood myself and what was going on. I became an expert at analysing and spotting the pain points, waiting for things to fix themselves once I understood them. But along the way, I learned that you cannot think your way out of situations and issues, action is needed.

Don’t get me wrong, introspection absolutely has value and is an essential part of the process. Awareness matters. But at one point the healing becomes hiding. We label our passivity as patience and our fear as processing. We get stuck in the inwards feminine energy of feeling everything and we lose the masculine capability to do something about it.

“He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” — Friedrich Nietzsche (Philosopher)

Why Masculine Energy Isn’t About Thinking, It’s About Doing

No one wakes up one morning and thinks: “Today feels like a great day to dismantle my identity and rebuild my relationship with power, boundaries and self-respect”. No, most of us are still struggling to decide what to eat for breakfast. Growth cannot be ordered or planned, it usually arrives sideways. It often shows up as frustration, quiet resentment or that persistent sense that life is happening slightly to the left of where we’re standing.

Masculine energy, despite its internet reputation for shirtless shouting and bad advice, isn’t about dominance or being an Alpha male screaming on a rock (this is how it always looks my head when thinking of it). To me, healthy masculinity is about having direction, taking ownership and knowing how to regulate emotions in order to create safety and security. Both men and women carry these energies. It’s the ability to keep moving toward a goal, even when you’re uncertain if you’re ready. It should be a way of life that makes sense, without sounding like a cliché motivation meme.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — Carl Jung (psychiatrist, founder of analytical psychology)

Small, often uncomfortable choices paired with consistent action make a massive difference. Change your energy = change your life. Bringing my masculine and feminine energies into balance completely transformed me. Not only my confidence, also my relationships and overall quality of life. It sharpened my focus and improved my career performance, physical strength and leadership qualities.

I didn’t just improve my life, I changed my frequency and energy. This shift recharged my inner drive and began attracting higher-quality people in my life who mirrored my new standard of stability. The benefits have been so holistic that even everyday moments now carry a deeper sense of meaning. It changed everything for me. This isn’t just theory. It worked for me, so why not for you?

Read more

Have you ever been in a relationship where you and your partner almost felt like one person? Where you started saying more “we” instead of “I“. When your partner’s moods dictated your emotions, his or her happiness became your responsibility and the thought of being apart made you feel uneasy or even panicked? This intense emotional bond might feel like love, but it could actually be symbiosis at play.

“A healthy relationship consists of two whole individuals who choose to be together, not two halves trying to complete each other.” - Dr. Alexandra Solomon (clinical psychologist)

Symbiosis in relationships happens when two people become so deeply bonded that their sense of self starts to fade. They begin to function as one, making decisions, regulating emotions and even defining their identities through each other. While this may sound romantic, especially in the early stages of love, it can quickly become unhealthy and limiting if it leads to emotional dependence and the loss of individuality.

This metaphor makes it more clear: healthy relationships are like two trees growing side by side. Their roots may tangled and they may lean on each other for support, but they remain separate beings. Fully capable of standing on their own. In contrast, an unhealthy symbiotic relationship is more like two vines tangled together so tightly that they can no longer recognize where one ends and the other begins. If one weakens, the other may collapse.

“Love should be about connection, not consumption. When we lose ourselves in another person, we don’t truly love them, we merge with them.”
- Dr. Terrence Real (couples therapist)

Beyond Romance: How Symbiosis Affects All Relationships

Symbiosis doesn’t only affect romantic relationships. It can also emerge in parent-child relationships, friendships and even professional dynamics. Have you ever had a friend who couldn’t make a decision without your input? Or a parent who still treats you like a child, even though you’re an adult? These could be signs of symbiosis manifesting in different forms.

How do you know if your relationship is symbiotic? Is it always a bad thing? Can it be prevented or repaired? And most importantly, how do you maintain deep emotional bonds without losing yourself or the connection with the other? I’ll explain it for you.

“Emotional dependence often disguises itself as deep love, but love should empower, not imprison.” - Dr. Lisa Firestone (clinical psychologist)

After reading this article, you’ll have a clearer understanding of whether your relationship is based on a healthy interdependence or unhealthy entanglement. Keep reading and you know exactly what you can do to create a more balanced, fulfilling connections. Better you, better relationships and vice versa!

The Roots of Symbiosis: Borrowed from Nature

The term symbiosis originates from biology, where it describes a close and long-term interaction between two different organisms. In nature, symbiosis can take many forms:

• Mutualism (where both organisms benefit, like bees and flowers).

• Commensalism (where one benefits without harming the other).

• Parasitism (where one benefits at the other’s expense).

“Boundaries are not barriers; they are the framework that allows intimacy to flourish without suffocation.” - Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab (therapist & relationship expert)

In human relationships, psychological symbiosis mirrors these biological interactions. Healthy relationships are like mutualism, where both partners support each other while remaining independent. Unhealthy relationships, however, can be similar to parasitism. This is where one person becomes emotionally or psychologically dependent on the other, sometimes at the cost of personal their own well-being.

Let Me Give You An Example

in nature, clownfish and sea anemones form a balanced mutualistic relationship, each benefits from the other’s presence without losing their own function. In contrast, a mistletoe plant feeding off a tree symbolizes parasitism, as the mistletoe slowly drains the tree’s nutrients and weakening its ability to grow.

This is similar in human relationships:

• Healthy symbiosis means two people support each other emotionally while still maintaining their own identities.

• Unhealthy symbiosis occurs when one or both partners lose their sense of self, making decisions based on the other’s emotions, needs or desires rather than their own.

Understanding symbiosis through this biological lens helps illustrate why balance is crucial. Too much fusion can become suffocating, while too little connection may lead to emotional detachment.

What Is Symbiosis in Relationships?

Symbiosis is a biological term that describes a mutually dependent relationship between two organisms. In psychology, it refers to a deep emotional and psychological fusion between two people. This is often seen in romantic relationships, family dynamics and even friendships.

“The key to a healthy relationship is interdependence, not dependence. Love should be a partnership, not a merging of identities.” - Dr. John Gottman (Relationship Expert)

So, symbiosis is most commonly observed in romantic relationships, but it can also happen in parent-child dynamics, friendships and even professional relationships. While a degree of emotional closeness is natural and even beneficial, excessive symbiosis can lead to over-dependence, loss of self-identity and difficulties in personal growth.

The key to understanding symbiosis in relationships is recognizing the difference between healthy interdependence and unhealthy entanglement. A strong relationship allows both partners to rely on each other for support while maintaining their individuality. An unhealthy symbiotic relationship creates emotional fusion, where one person’s thoughts, feelings and decisions become dictated by the other. Of course there are different gradations possible here.

“Symbiosis in relationships often stems from childhood attachment wounds. Healing these wounds allows us to love freely, rather than out of fear.”
- Dr. Diane Poole Heller (attachment expert)

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Symbiosis in Relationships

Symbiosis in relationships isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s a necessary stage in early romance when partners bond deeply. However, the problem arises when the relationship becomes so fused that individuality disappears. The key is awareness and maintaining a healthy balance between intimacy and independence. It’s also important to recognize that symbiosis exists on a spectrum, ranging from healthy interdependence to complete emotional fusion, with many nuances and variations in between.

Signs of Healthy Symbiosis

✅ Emotional closeness without losing independence.
✅ A sense of security while maintaining personal interests.
✅ Supporting each other without excessive control.
✅ Mutual respect for each other’s boundaries.

“A strong relationship is built on two strong individuals. When you become too dependent on your partner for happiness, you risk losing yourself.” - Dr. Esther Perel (psychotherapist)

Signs of Unhealthy Symbiosis

❌ Feeling incomplete or anxious without the partner’s presence.
❌ Sacrificing personal dreams, goals or friendships to maintain the relationship.
❌ Fear of conflict because it threatens emotional security.
❌ An inability to make independent decisions.
❌ Experiencing emotional distress when apart.

The Role of Attachment Styles

Attachment theory explains how early childhood experiences shape the way we relate to others in adulthood. Symbiotic tendencies are often linked to certain attachment styles:

1. Anxious Attachment (most vulnerable to symbiosis)
Craves emotional closeness and fears abandonment. Tends to be overly dependent on a partner for reassurance.

2. Avoidant Attachment (least likely to engage in symbiosis)
Fears intimacy and values independence, often resisting deep emotional bonds.

3. Secure Attachment (balanced approach)
Can form close bonds without losing independence, allowing for healthy interdependence.

“Our attachment style is like a blueprint for how we engage in relationships. The key to healthy love is balancing connection with autonomy.”
- Dr. Sue Johnson (founder of emotionally focused therapy)

How to Break Unhealthy Symbiosis?

Recognizing unhealthy symbiosis is the first step, but breaking free from it requires conscious effort and the right therapeutic approach. Healing doesn’t mean distancing yourself from your partner, it means creating a relationship where both people thrive independently while staying emotionally connected. Various therapeutic methods can help restore balance and rebuild a strong sense of self within the relationship. Here are some of the most effective approaches:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Helps you to recognize thought patterns that contribute to emotional dependence.

2. Attachment-Based Therapy
Explores childhood experiences to heal relational insecurities.

3. Individual Therapy
Encourages self-exploration and identity building outside of the relationship.

4. Couples Therapy
Helps partners establish healthy boundaries and mutual respect.

“Healing from unhealthy symbiosis requires self-awareness and the courage to reclaim your individuality.” - Dr. Gabor Maté (trauma expert)

Can Every Relationship Experience This?

Yes, to some extent. Every relationship experiences phases of symbiosis. So it is perfectly normal and something that everyone will have to deal with in their relationships. Especially in the early stages of love. However, not every relationship becomes trapped in an unhealthy symbiotic cycle. This is the point, where intervention is needed.

How to Prevent Unhealthy Symbiosis:

• Develop a strong sense of self before entering a relationship.

• Establish clear boundaries from the beginning.

• Maintain personal interests and friendships.

• Communicate openly about emotional needs and expectations.

• Work on self-love and self-validation.

“A relationship should enhance your life, not become your entire life.”
- Dr. Harriet Lerner (clinical psychologist)

FAQs: Symbiosis in Relationships

1. What is symbiosis in relationships?
Symbiosis in relationships is an intense emotional bond where both people become highly dependent on each other for validation, decision-making and emotional stability.

2. Is symbiosis in relationships bad?
It depends. Some level of symbiosis is natural and healthy, but excessive dependence can lead to toxic enmeshment and loss of identity.

3. Can symbiosis be prevented?
Yes. By maintaining healthy boundaries, personal independence and self-awareness, you can prevent unhealthy relational dependence.

4. What are the dangers of symbiotic relationships?
Unhealthy symbiosis can lead to low self-esteem, emotional exhaustion, fear of abandonment and an inability to function independently.

5. Can therapy help break unhealthy symbiosis?
Yes! Attachment therapy, CBT and couples therapy are effective ways to break free from toxic dependence.

“When ‘we’ replaces ‘I’ entirely, the relationship stops being a partnership and becomes an emotional entanglement.” - Dr. Esther Perel (psychotherapist & relationship expert)

6. Does every couple experience symbiosis?
Most couples experience some level of symbiosis, but healthy relationships balance dependence with autonomy.

7. What is the difference between symbiosis and codependency?
Symbiosis refers to deep mutual dependence, while codependency often involves one partner allowing unhealthy behaviors in the other.

8. How can I tell if my relationship is too symbiotic?
If you feel anxious without your partner, struggle to make independent decisions or lose your sense of self, your relationship may be too symbiotic.

9. Can a symbiotic relationship be repaired?
Yes. With self-awareness, boundary-setting and therapy, couples can transition from unhealthy symbiosis to healthy interdependence.

10. What is the best way to maintain a healthy relationship?
By practicing self-love, open communication, independence and mutual respect, you can build a strong, balanced relationship.

“Codependency and symbiosis are different, but they share a common theme: a lack of self-definition outside of the relationship.” - Dr. Melody Beattie (author of Codependent No More)

Final Words: Finding Balance, Love Without Losing Yourself

Symbiosis in relationships isn’t inherently good or bad. What truly matters is how well partners balance deep emotional connection with personal independence. Love should be a source of strength, not a force that erases your individuality. The most fulfilling relationships allow both persons to grow, evolve and support each other without becoming emotionally fused.

“Individuation is the foundation of a strong relationship. The more secure you are in yourself, the healthier your love will be.” - Dr. Carl Jung (psychoanalyst)

If you find yourself feeling lost in your relationship, know that change is possible. Through self-awareness, setting healthy boundaries and perhaps seeking guidance from a good therapist, you can rebuild a connection that nurtures both intimacy and individuality. True love is not about losing yourself in another person, but about sharing your life with someone while remaining whole as an individual.

“True love is not about merging into one, but about standing strong together while remaining whole as individuals.” - Dr. Brené Brown (researcher on vulnerability & connection)

If you want to take the next step toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship, consider reaching out to a therapist or relationship coach. Your relationship should uplift you, not diminish you. You deserve a love that allows you to be fully yourself.

The most important relationship you will ever have, is the one with yourself.

I’ve spent most of my life trying to out-think my own brain. It’s an exhausting hobby.

I’ve always been a deep thinker. And for a long time, it really drove me crazy. I simply couldn’t stop… I wanted to understand and analyze everything. This probably started as a survival mechanism, or maybe… oi, here we go again!

Still, that constant analyzing brought me many good things, as it is often the case with survival mechanisms. It pushed me to dive deep and learn more about myself. Gradually, this essential self-development turned into a sincere interest in psychology and coaching. In understanding The Mind. I found myself asking:

“Why do people do what they do?”
“How do our minds work?”
“What can we do to function better and become the best versions of ourselves?”
And most importantly: “How can I help others with this?”

I stopped fighting the constant analyzing and started using it. I dove deep into psychology, mindset and the mechanics of the human experience. I didn’t just want to “develop myself”. I wanted to know how to help others do the same in a very grounded and clear way.

How I became a Senior Coach

At a certain point, I decided to become a professional coach. I had the opportunity to attend a well-regarded coaching academy and became a Senior Coach Practitioner. During my studies, I realized I was already carrying a lot of ‘baggage’ from my own journey. I had come a long way, been through a lot, and emerged stronger than ever. I believe that everyone has their own story and battles to fight. We just need to be a little kinder to each other and help where we can. It turned out that my baggage was actually a toolkit. It gave me an incredible boost.

After finishing my studies, I felt the urge to do something with my creative side: my writing skills. From there, the math was easy: 1+1 = 2. I decided to combine my passion with my love for writing. That’s how it all started. The Mind Explained.

What you’re getting into here

I created this platform to translate the complex topics into simple language. It doesn’t matter if you’re a high-performer looking for that extra 1% or you’re currently feeling completely stuck in life. You’re in the right place.

Every week, I publish a new article. I share vulnerable stories, insights from my coaching sessions and deep dives into mindset, therapy and psychology. No academic jargon. No “toxic positivity”. Just honest talk about what it means to be alive and how to do it better.

I’m a writer, a coach and a professional deep-thinker. I’m here to help you navigate the chaos between your ears and reach your true potential.

I try to reply to personal messages and notes as quickly as my schedule allows, so don’t be a stranger.

Let’s figure this out together.

— Stefan

Share The Mind Explained

I have been fortunate enough to experience it a few times before. And I have the privilege of feeling it once again. This time feels different.

Even deeper and purer than ever before.

Why did this happen to me? I have counted my blessings. I have reflected. I’ve gone inward. I checked in with myself, realizing that one of my most important core values has received a massive gift: Freedom.

I wish that feeling of being perfectly happy for you too. I wish it for everyone.

What a beautiful place the world would be then. What would the energy be like? How would we treat one another? I ask myself these questions very often.

That is one of the reason I have made it my life’s mission: To help as many people as possible reach their inner core.

Because it comes from within, I mean everything. The world we created and how you perceive that world. You create that world. You create your own happiness. Sounds cheesy, doesn’t it? External factors can help immensely, but they will never be the most important factor. It all starts with you.

What is your most important core value? How can you serve it even better and honor it? Do you dare to let go of all fear and doubt? Do you dare to truly look in the mirror. To check within and make contact with yourself? And are you able and capable of sharing that happiness with others in return?

Being happy sounds like the ultimate end goal, but it is just another temporary state of being. Other emotions will inevitably come again. That is life. That’s how it is meant to be. And isn’t that why we ended up on in this world? To have the full human experience? To feel it all. In every fiber of you. To simply live.

Do it as beautiful and as broken as you can, always with love. ♡

— Stefan